George Ivan Morrison is not known to be a jolly good fellow, he's known - and has forever been known - to be a cranky, cantankerous old man, even when he was still a young man. So it takes a lot to get a guy like Van Morrison to do practical jokes. Like a recording contract that Morrison felt limited him brutally in his creativity for example. His contract with Them's former manager ans his new label BANG Records – despite netting him a top ten hit and the song most associated with him in “Brown Eyed Girl” - quickly became an albatross around his neck, when Berns issued eight tracks – that Van Morrison thought was going to be the a- and b-sides of four singles – without the artist's permission or even knowledge.
Morrison's fortune seemed to turn when Berns's turned bad, keeling over from a heart attack in late 67 at only 38 years old, belatedly victim of a chronic weakening of the heart as a child following a bout of rheumatic fever. Warner Brothers bought him out of his contract with Bang records, enforced by Berns' widow Ilene, who herself seemed to be a piece of work. Let's just say it certainly sounds shady when a record label does a buy-out in cash in an abandoned warehouse. So, Van Morrison was free to pursue the songs and recordings he had started before the whole BANG Records misadventure and that would shortly turn into the all-time classic Astral Weeks. All's well that ends well, right?
Except, except, except...in that infamous, and infamousy lopsided contract with Bang Records that Van the Man had, in true rock star fashion, failed to read entirely or in detail, called for a sort of 'severance fee' of no less than 36 songs still due to Berns' publishing company within a year. So, if you're Van Morrison, what do you do? Well, you take an out of tune guitar, make up a bunch of nonsense songs which are mostly extremely short doodles (the longest one clocks in at an amazing minute thirty three, the magnificent opus known as “The Big Royalty Check”) and often parodies of existing songs like “La Bamba”, “Twist And Shout” and “Hang On Sloopy”.
The latter two are of course no coincidence, rather an example that Morrison's humor could be quite sharp and cutting – not above mocking a dead man, the two are Bert Berns co-compositions. Man, when Van gets a chance to twist the knife in...(into a dead man's body, that is). George Ivan Morrison secetly – or not so secretly – is the Hulk: you better not make him angry, you wouldn't like him when he's angry. And he is probably angry most of the time.
This is hilariously, viciously uncommercial stuff that of course Ilene Berns could never use, at least officially. (The jury is still out when this showed up on bootlegs and gray market releases whether these were stolen or let go for a small fee). But it's indefinitely more listenable, than, say, Machine Metal Music, and for what is essentially a send up, he didn't charge people any money like Neil Young did with Everybody's Rockin'.
So, what to do with this stuff, that you astute readers have surmised will be an April's Fool's Day-approved One Buck Record of the day? Well, I don't expect this to be anyone's favorite Van Morrison album anytime soon. Or ever. But it's fun while it lasts, and everyone should hear it once, just to acknowledge that the Vanster does have a sense of humour, twisted as it may be. Some even claim they have seen Van smile once or twice, but those reports have been unconfirmed. Actually, listen to him crack himself up with the completely ridiculous nonsense vocalizing of “Chickee Choo”.
Anyway, if you're mentally and physically ready to hear Morrison masterpieces such as his two part epic “Blow In Your Nose”/”Nose In Your Blow”, “Want A Danish”, “The Wobble” or “You Say 'France' And I Whistle”, well here is your chance.So, check this out, maybe your new favorite Van Morrison song is just a click away (I wouldn't put money on it). Approached with the right state of mind, this should bring a smile to your face, as you listen to Van Morrison gleefully piss all over the concept of contractual obligation.
